James Baldwin
True that!
Welcome to the life of an average Indian girl under spell: the magical spell of love, cast upon her by some random guy who enters her life at the most unexpected time of life, in the most hilarious way she could ever have imagined! This magical spell which transforms this girl into the sweetest girl ever, for whole family "to-be" and rest, changes too many things to be counted straight. The girl changes her accent, changes her patterns; starting with the way she prays, to the way she greets people; from the way she does house chores to the way she dresses; from restricting her old circle to creating a brand new circle of friends and family, this little girl would bring sea changes in her life, making it dramatic enough to shoot one documentary on the whole 'change thing'! Old friends (especially guys) would take a backseat or rather will lose contact completely. Old girl friends would start getting sidelined as their useless babbles no more give pleasure. The pleasure shifts to your guy's words, his songs, his expressions and elements of his life. You almost overnight change into this respectful girl who will now not need to utter any of those swear words, who would now not shout in front of elders, who would now behave, who would now suddenly become woman-ish and start planning things which she never knows would ever happen or not! Your 'haan' would turn into 'hanji'. Your 'what's up' would turn into 'namaste ji' and the most appalling of all, you start taking interest in household chores! It's as if you want to become this perfect girl for this guy so that the family has one less annoying reason to deny the liasion. Unfortunately, parents in India still reLate to the old norms of caste and creed; they still adhere to the long existing practises of denying their child its right to chose a partener for life. I always wonder how my uncle/aunty's child doing love marriage is a great step but my confessing the same becomes a huge issue of ego; a tug of war of sorts! Your parents and relatives on one side, your sibings and you on one. All others, the pathetic spectators who have no other agenda in life except peeking into your home and collect gossip to monger it elsewhere. Disgusting it is!
Arrange marriages last longer- a bullshit notion religiously followed in India. Let me cut to some facts straight! Yes, arranged marriages last longer because splitting or breaking marriage while your relatives and family slapping on your back, is never easy! you adjust, your partner adjusts. To others, a happy married couple, to each other, a friend, may be or may not be; relationships/affairs blossom outside the marriage but that's fine as long as people don't know about it! Is that what we preach? Lectures aplenty from families and fights with your love, the girl's life goes completely haywire!
All future thoughts are accounted for both and the guy's family. All aspirations take a backseat because the very essence which keeps you afloat, boosts you is love and staying away from him, focus vanishes. May be living together could make lives better, sooner. But that's what an average girl from an average family faces in our country. One, you cannot love because you have an obligation towards your parents; you are suppossed to make love to the guy your family selects (read a prize bachelor! - daulat, shauhrat aur chhat). Two, if you do, you have some conditions required to attain something which should be a prerogative (choosing the guy you love, the guy who loves you). Three, when nothing goes right, you and your guy would go mad and fight and this possibly is the worst of all! Sigh!
If the girl tells her family, she's damned (all the circus that follows!). If she doesn't tell her family, she's damned (if you have cunning people out there who sneak, peek and speak!). All the talks of 'samaaj' and society which follows! You get warnings about crooks roaming everywhere, about guys who rape girls on the pretext of love. You are called to watch every piece of news flashing on television which comprise of words like 'pyaar' and 'dhoka'; the most alarming of the news will be discussed repeatedly to highlight the cons of the most divine feeling in this world- love. The constant one liner would do the rounds regularly- "aajkal bachcho k dimag hi kharab hain, abhi samajh me ni ata, jab jhelenge tab pata chalega."; "humne tumhare papa ko dekha bhi nahin tha." Uff!
To go over it all again, you fall for someone, you start loving him, you build your whole life around him, sometimes your career is ruined, your plans stalled, your friends ignored and your family will be mad at you. After all this, you do whatever it takes to handle yourself and your guy emotionally, physically and mentally. And that is what all average Indian girls in love do. Nobody realizes that if we have it in us to change our names and adopt a completely new family; if we have it in us to move to a new place, live among new people and build a life; if we can rear children and if we can cracks competitive exams, we CAN very well chose a guy who is best for us, who'll be the best father to their children, the best companion for life, the best support system she could rely on forever.
Oh my! An average Indian Girl in LOVE is still a taboo, for most sections of the society. One more generation and maybe things would turn for good.
The quote which follows has nothing to do with my write- up. I just found it and i loved it! Is that not a reason good enough? :P
"He’s not perfect. You aren’t either, and the two of you will never be perfect. But if he can make you laugh at least once, causes you to think twice, and if he admits to being human and making mistakes, hold onto him and give him the most you can. He isn’t going to quote poetry, he’s not thinking about you every moment, but he will give you a part of him that he knows you could break. Don’t hurt him, don’t change him, and don’t expect for more than he can give. Don’t analyze. Smile when he makes you happy, yell when he makes you mad, and miss him when he’s not there. Love hard when there is love to be had. Because perfect guys don’t exist, but there’s always one guy that is perfect for you."
Bob Marley
PS: Sorry to all the uncles and aunties whom I offend but Love is the best feeling in this world and taking away the right to proclaim it for somebody is the most pathetic form of bound on mankind.